Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Caged - The Glass Box Experience

   Last summer, when I still lived in Hard Alley, I met Kresten McBride one afternoon.  I commented on something in group chat, he complained that I woke him up, and he vowed retaliation by tickling for my having disturbed him.  I informed him that he had to find me first.  He did just that, and an 'interesting' afternoon followed, which led to more interaction.
As the months passed, we became a bit closer, and gradually, I came to call him friend, then teacher, now mentor. 

   Dom/sub, Master/slave -- I've seen so much of it, in my travels around the grid, that I wondered just what it was all about.
 I've met so many people, who are in some sort of 'owned' relationship, that seem to be happy, and even fulfilled by it, that it can't completely be a bad thing - can it ?  
But then there are the others... the women (and men) being dragged around on the end of a chain, most of them partly to completely naked,  pathetically running to try to keep up, filling their speech with capital letters and "Yes, Master" and  "Please, Mistress."  This doesn't look like anything I'd ever be interested in, much less enjoy. 

   But one of the things I find about Second Life, is that I'm using it as a tool to explore myself.  I've already explored some, on the adult side of the curtain and discovered the worlds of roleplay, and cyber and forced fantasies. It was mostly good, and I feel comfortable about what I've learned.  I'd like to think I also learned from the not-so-good.
So, I decided to expand my horizons, and to have a look into this side of SL. 

   Through the excellent classes that Forceme Silverspar runs, and the weekly discussions at Lost Eden (Tuesdays - 1pm SLT), I've been learning about the world of BDSM in Second Life.  
It's not what I feared it might be -- a world filled with cringing, mindless slaves/sluts, desperate for any kind of relationship, and evil, sadistic whip wielding Masters -- rather, it's an extension of 'conventional' or 'vanilla' relationships, with,  I think, more emphasis placed on trust and exchange of committments.  (Although, I do think the other type of relationship exists - but I just don't understand that mind-set.)
Yes, it can include whippings and punishment - but so does growing up; who hasn't been spanked, or grounded, or kept after school, for not doing what Mom, or your teachers, told you to do. Darn few of us, I'll bet.  So, seen in that way, it's a perfectly normal relationship, just taken a bit further along the road.  Nothing to be afraid of, except the unknown - and life is full of unknowns. But now there is someone to guide you, to help you find your way, to protect you.  It's not exactly a relationship of equals, but I feel that it's more than equals, not less.

   Kresten is a Master, with subs in his care.  I asked him if he could show me what it meant to be a submissive, and he agreed.  So I placed myself under his mentorship, and he has taken me under his wing, as I began to explore my submissive side.  I've been wearing a collar for quite a while, but not as a sign of submissiveness - just as a pretty tool.  It's useful for changing clothes, playing with RLV toys, and fending off the occaisional idiot who just want to use me as a dishrag - "collar = owned, so leave this one alone".  I gave him the rights to use it, but I retained ownership of myself. 

   Surprisingly,  I found that I actually enjoy having someone watch over me, teach me and care for me.  He has given me a few 'tasks' to do, and I've done my best to follow his instructions.  Calling him "Sir" is coming easier; at first I thought it was just sort of silly, and only said it because I'd been told to.  Now I call him Sir because I want to  - in my eyes, he's earned the respect which it denotes.  Kneeling is a bit harder, since we started this relationship as 'friends with benefits', and kneeling isn't a thing friends do. (Well, not without something else to follow....)  Therefore, I found myself questioning this at times, but it actually makes sense; I look up to him, so I should be lower. Dropping to my knees is almost automatic, now, and not at all demeaning at this point.   I like the secure feeling that comes from being leashed, knowing that he's holding the other end, keeping me safe.  I do find it harder to cyber with him, since we had previously been operating on the level of bedbuddies, and now there's a higher level of committment exchange, and a difference in perceived status.  I'm not quite sure how to address this - am I still supposed to call him Sir?  or do I just flow with the action, and behave as I used to?  *shrug*  We'll work it out.

    Last night I spent a hour or so in a cage. 

He sent me a TP request to join him, I obeyed, and at his direction, willingly walked into a glass sided box, kneeled, and let him lock the door.  He'd told me that I wasn't allowed to websurf, and that my IMs would be restricted:  I'm not sure they actually were, since I got 3 group chat messages, but I closed each window as they appeared.  My 'voice' was forced into a whisper.  What he didn't tell me (possibly because I don't think he knew), was that my maps, inventory and build buttons, and ability to TP would all be blocked, too.  I was isolated from everything except him - and a stranger who dropped by to see what we were doing.  Every so often he would ask a random math question, which I had 10 seconds to answer. This was to ensure that I hadn't just vegged out, or gone afk.

   Things went well, for the most part.  The cage added a few extra punishment minutes for camming outside of it - which I didn't actually do - since I had already been focused on myself, from outside the cage, when the timer started.  Also, in the second part of the hour, I was punished for that again. (Not being used to operating in Mouselook, I didn't know you could call up the chat bar by pressing Enter, and had minutes added when I hit Esc to get out of it to get my chat bar back to answer the questions.) 
  I became surprisingly anxious when he went out of sight, since I had no radar/map to know he was still there.  I think I'd rather know he wasn't there if I couldn't see him, instead of not knowing where he was. After our visitor left,  he stripped me, which I had said was okay, since it wasn't in an inappropriate location.  He's told me he won't humiliate me in public - but this was a place designed specifically for caging, so I didn't really see it as "public" - not in the strict sense of the word.  I was in a cage, on an Adult sim, and if naked was how he wanted me, then it wasn't my place to whine about it. 

   For the last 30 minutes, he asked me to go into first-person cam mode (mouselook). I did, but I didn't really like it. When I tried to look around, I was scolded - but I don't remember him tellling me I had to look ahead at all times. One of my problems was my current AO - when I'm kneeling, if I use alt-mouse to look at something, my avi moves, even though it's in ground-sit mode - I pop up, turn and sit again.  Also, I think the cage overrode my own preferences to be able to see myself in mouselook - even looking down towards the floor, I wasn't there, and that bothered me a bit.  
This change in pov was a semi-serious problem for me at the end of my hour -- when the door opened, I found I'd lost my cam-focus. No matter how I tried, no matter which buttons I pushed, I couldn't find my way back to me
This had me nearly to the point of tears, until he managed to reset it, I think with my collar.  But I was still so messed up that I actually wore a box; fumbling through my inventory for my clothes, I grabbed the first thing that matched my search, not noticing it was the package, rather than the sweater. Of course, this embarassed the hell out of me, and got me more upset. 

   It was a little while after he left, until I felt mentally able to leave, and wander the Grid again. He wasn't there, or even online, and I wasn't feeling all that secure, yet, about being left on my own.
I don't know if it was residuals from the cage restrictions, or just the fact that SL was sort of borked, but I had TP problems for a while after, and I finally had to relog to get myself out of limbo.

   Would I do it again ?  Yes.  
 But I think I'll want a better idea of the rules. I was punished for something I didn't know was going to be an offence, and there were restrictions I didn't know about. Neither of these are anybody's fault, and I'm not really whining, but it's just a tad unfair to be bagged for not 'playing by the rules' when you don't have them to play by. 
 I'd sort of like to know where my keyholder is -- I actually felt abandoned at times, until he suddenly came into view - I didn't know if he was exploring, or had crashed - and would my cage unlock, if he had crashed?  
The cage next to me was saying that it's occupant had gone offline while caged - timer suspended. Was that going to happen to me, if it couldn't be unlocked, or would the timer just expire and set me free?  If he was gone, could anybody use the controls to keep me there longer?  These were some of the thoughts that wandered through my mind while I was waiting.  

   Thinking about it now, I'd say that it actually required a high level of trust - a trust I didn't know I was able, or willing, to give.  I stepped into a box, from which I had no easy way of leaving, trusting that someone else would take care of me, see that I didn't come to harm, and be willing to let me out.

Thank you, Master Kresten. ♥

Friday, October 29, 2010

It's All Fun & Games -- Until Somebody Loses....

Well, now.  It's been an interesting past few months in my Second Life. As in "...may you live in interesting times..."
     As you may have read in a previous blog, I was a bit bored with the everyday slife of shopping (for things I didn't need), building (things I was probably never going to have a use for) and sightseeing (of places I was probably never going to see again).  So I finally decided to check out the sex.  
     SL is all about sex - right ?   It's everywhere - everywhere it isn't restricted.  So, I checked out a few of the free sex places, lagged, laughed and moved on. I tried a few forced fantasy sims - mostly empty, or inhabited by far too many females, gathering like buzzards over a fresh roadkill whenever a male came into view.  I had a few good encounters here and there, but it didn't seem quite what I was looking for.

    Then I fell into Hard Alley.  Not a bad f/m ratio, interesting profiles, a plausible background, and loads of possibilities for entertainment.   So I added it to my rather humdrum list of groups, IMed Hard Rust, as the info board suggested, and received the title of 'Lost Innocent'.   Having a rather odd sense of humor, I decided to live up to the title, and thus, the avatar known as Chrystina Foxdale came into full fruition.  She was wary, skittish, confused -- and full of curiosity. 

     In HA, 'short-term' roleplay is encouraged - add some story to your sexplay, nothing complicated, just a bit more than "hey, cummere, baby".         I took that a few steps further, expanding into a full-blown back story, and an ongoing role as the 'resident prude' of the Hard Core Sex and Strip Club.  I was never discouraged, and actually encouraged to interact with the patrons and employees.  I was told I played the role so well that some people had asked Hard to throw me out of the sim.  I arranged for my own 'deflowering' with a man I met in the strip club one night, and who has become one of my best friends.

     But one man in particular caught my imagination....
He was a stripper - a dancer for money.  He was a DJ.  He was also the Mayor of Hard Alley -- Takashi Alekseev.  We meshed well - he tried to pry the shy Chrystina from her closed shell of perceived morality, and I resisted his evil ways and depraved intentions as best I could.  This went on, and gradually, through words and music, he succeeded in his role as seducer. 

    The shy, clueless, Lost Innocent bloomed.  I started buying more clothes - things I thought he'd like to see me in;  I bought some 'toys' with the hopes that maybe someday I'd have somebody to share them with.  I took roleplay classes, and I learned to cyber, and then I started interacting with some of the men who came to the Alley looking for entertainment. 
But no matter where I went, looking for fun, I always returned to the Club.  It had become my home, and the regulars had become my family.

     But right now, I have no home.   For reasons I don't entirely understand, Takashi has chosen to move out of Hard Alley.           
And I've chosen to go with him.    Because, somewhere along the way, in addition to losing my roleplayed uptight righteousness,  I've also lost my heart. 

SL is a game - right ?  Well ...  not entirely.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Flogger Loggers - sigh

( I decided that this post really belonged to Musings, 
rather than to the Steamy Side, so I've re-posted it here )

  I was out and about the other day, and on a whim, accepted a TP from a random encounter, who IMed me, and aroused my interest (pun intended).

  He was articulate, good looking, and nicely endowed. He brought me to a nice place, and we enjoyed several minutes of play.
Then, just as things were heating up, and getting 'interesting,' he vanished without warning. After a few minutes, I realized that this wasn't a connection failure, and, sighing deeply, went home.

  This isn't the first time this has happened to me, and from what I've heard it's not all that uncommon. It's also quickly becoming one of my pet peeves.

  Guys, if you can't stay at the computer for the whole scene, please let your partner know in advance if you're going to be bailing.
It can be extremely frustrating to be involved in a scene (especially one that is good) and suddenly have no one to play with.
(I'll make exceptions for crashes - just let me know when you get back)

  One of the nicest compliments I've ever received was: "brb - I have to change my shirt."    This let me know both that I succeeded in my goal to make sure my partner had a good time, and also that he stayed long enough to let me know that he did.

Bring a towel, boys. It very well may improve your chances of a repeat encounter.

originally posted - 5 September 2010

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Follow the Bouncing Balls

Pose balls......

 You've seen them.  Scattered about SL like candy gumdrops, promising wonderful thrills and endless fun.  
 Some are innocent - "sit here"  on a nice couch or dining room chair; some are a little naughty - "make out" or "cuddle".  Then there are those which are shameless, blatently advertising their sexuality =  "pound her", "suck him" or "take it deep."   And always, there's that mystery - but remember: beware the unlabled pose ball.....

 However,  like almost everything, they need a framework to function in.  The fanciest animations in SL aren't going to do a thing, if there's no thought going into their use.  
Yes, I can hop on a pink ball, and ride you like J. B. Mauney on Voodoo Child - but if that's all that's happening, I might as well be watching the 6 o'clock news.  Yes, I'm getting damp watching us, but it isn't going to finish the job.   Talk to me.  At the very least, say 'mmmm', and 'oh fuck yes'  once in a while. I'm not asking for the next best-selling novel, but please, tell me something.

Some of the best SL sex that I've ever had has been with people I was just sitting with.   Sitting.   Maybe in a close snuggle, maybe sitting at the bar, maybe 10 metres apart.  Sometimes my partner hasn't even been in the same sim.  
It can actually free up the play, when one is not constrained by the positions one finds oneself in.  The action flows, moving smoothly from one stage to the next, as a chance encounter turns into a sexual whirlwind.  Under these circumstances, pose balls can be a distraction.

 But I'm not anti-poseball.  They can enhance a scene, by adding pictures to the words, and can be, for the verbally challenged, a wonderful thing.   They're also excellent for when you're short on time,  just enough for a quickie, with minimum exchange of words.  
 They're essential in making a good machinima, the words can always be added later.  They're nice for exploring new positions, some of which are rather much NPIRL. They provide hours (well, minutes) of entertainment for bystanders, especially when used in Local. 
They just need to be used correctly, in my opinion. 

 Don't simply climb onto a ball set and expect me to join you - not without some conversation. "Hey u wanna fuk" is not conversation.  Neither is "Cum here, bitch, let me rape you." If you use those lines in your First Life, and they work,  then I'm sorry for you.
Forced sex doesn't have to be stupid sex. Put a little thought into it. Tell me how you're going to get me into your fantasy -- kidnapping, slip up behind me and grab, or the use of drugs. If approached properly, I'm usually willing to provide directions, or help you find a lost puppy.  Or,  I might be the one asking for help..... 

 Try to match the words to the action - don't just mumble canned phrases of excitement in my ear.  If you don't have the words to describe it, tell me what you're feeling - how turned on you are, what you're going to do to me,  that sort of thing.  It doesn't have to be a play-by-play commentary : "gawd I'm so fucking hot, I want to blow my load all over your face !" is good enough, as long as that's not the only thing you tell me all night.

And for gawds sake, DON'T keep changing the MLP poses in mid fuck.  Going from a kneeling bj to a twisted rear entry in a matter of seconds is disconcerting, and pisses me off -- especially if I've nearly completed typing an emote relating to the position I was in.    Once or twice, you're forgiven - but if it keeps happening,  I'll either fade to black and go read my email, or leave the room entirely, and possibly mute you.

*A special place in SL Hell is reserved for those who screw around with other people's menus*

 To quote something I read in a profile once,  "Pose balls don't play -- people do."  Without words, we're just cartoon figures in a digital world.  Nice to look at, but there's nothing to connect to.
 But that's just my style.  I'm a word-whore.  You can get me off with words alone,  but I'd love to have a steaming hot encounter involving the proper use of poseballs.

IM me.............. 

Monday, August 30, 2010

ROFL (a 1st Life Moment)

Did you ever have one of those moments when 
your 1st Life and your 2nd Life crossed paths ?

We suddenly needed a new toilet seat, so DH
went off to the hardware store
-- I came downstairs, and this was there to greet me.


I don't think I stopped laughing for 15 minutes.

Now back to my irregularly unscheduled broadcasts............

Saturday, August 28, 2010

I'm Certified ! (or should that be Certifiable ? )

  Last night, while I was idly wandering around the Grid, looking for something to do, I was IM'd by my Roleplay instructor,  Forceme Silverspar.
She wanted to know if I wanted to take my final exam --- now.
Since I had just given her the paperwork an hour or two before, I was surprised at the suddeness of it.
Lifting my chin bravely, I said "Go ahead."

  Shortly I was contacted by one of the ROPE examiners, questioned briefly about any scene preferences, and whisked myself off to the test-site.  I then proceeded to engage in a totally unscripted roleplay with a stranger, playing tourist to her guide.

  About 2 hours later,  I was informed that I had passed, with only a small bobble - I had been found guilty of 'doubleposting', which is posting two different sentences before the other participant has a chance to respond to the first one. Fortunately, it wasn't enough of a mistake to fail me, and I had realized my error and knew where I had gone wrong.

This morning, I received my certificate !

Now I'm off to other adventures.......  See you around

Thursday, August 26, 2010

My Friends are Fantastic

Hello, it's Chrys again.

 While sitting on my dock the other day, I came to realize that I've been very fortunate in my assortment of acquaintances and friends in Second Life.

  My friends list has always been short - I don't believe in adding every random request that comes along.  I'll gladly give you my calling card, but you have to earn a spot on my friends list - or at the very least show potential as friend materiel.   "Would you be my friend" coming from an unknown avi half a sim away is probably just not the kind of person I want as a friend.  

Sometimes, though, I'll take a chance on someone who's near enough to interact with.   And sometimes..... that turns out to be the best thing I could have done.

  One gentleman (really!) I met at the landing stage for Hard Alley. He was looking for someone to RP with. I told him I was busy, but that I'd keep in touch. I added him on impulse, and I'm glad I did - he's become a good friend.
Another good friend was sitting at the Hard Core one night, watching the strippers, and played to my character a little bit. We exchanged friendship, and now he's one of my best friends in SL - we don't have much of a 'physical' relationship, but we can talk about almost anything.

Other friends were slower in arriving.  I'd known them for quite a while before exchanging friendship.

  One request caught me completly by surprise, but it's turned out well.  Two others were almost certainly long overdue, but I had no hesitation in either accepting or offering when the time came.  I'm hoping that both of them will be my friends for a very long time, and if our friendship develops into something more, I'm good with that.

In short, everyone on my friends list is just that - a friend.  

And I wouldn't have it any other way